We first met...

I still remember how we first met. 4 years ago at United Square Mall, both of us happened to be the facilitators of the same game booth. we got to know each other well after you went for your lunch break, and took your sweet time coming back as well. All the while me having to 'go' , way before you left for your break. The moment you came back, I screamed at the top of my lungs saying "WTF have you been I've been holding it in for damn long time!" or something along that line. I left running for the washroom and you laughing your ass off, and a couple witness joining in with you as well. Ever since then, we traded numbers and I got to know you then.

We lost contact for 3 years. But I do recall us messaging each other one day talking bout our lives. Just once. Then again we lost contact. Then came along Snapchat. I still managed to keep your number till then. So then I thought, screw it, Lets Snapchat. We've been snapchatting since then and talking again after so long.

I have no idea how or why, But we eventually got together. I'm not complaining. You're a very pretty girl and have a very unique personality so I'm very happy that we got together. But good things always don't last, and we broke up due to... unseen circumstances. We tried to patch and make things up though. You have even meet my parents, heck you met my extended family already. We got together, and then not, and again, and not. In and out of  our relationships.

I mean, I understand you're not ready for us to be together, so I respect it and let us be friends, But everytime you say that you want us to remain as friends, I wonder if there is really another reason behind it. I don't even know why someone as great as you would like the likes of me. I have nothing,

Now we are at that point where we stay as friends, and I can say I'm hurt, and a little tired of waiting. I don't even think we're cut out to be a couple anymore. Maybe I'm not the right guy for you. All I know is, I don't want to see you hurt, but I don't want to carry on something that will end up nowhere, I'm confused. Let's settle it. Please?      

Made to do this

To all my other viewers, this isn't a blog post for you. This is a request from V , since I will be out of SG for a couple of days, Don't worry folkes, the next update will come soon.


- Read this part only if you are V, or not who cares I can't stop you -

Hey Val, so here is the blog post you requested. Sheesh, you're damn demanding you know that?
Hahahaha I'm happy that you and your BF have made up after countless arguments and stuff. For once after so long, I've seen you actually happy and smiling again. Really great to see you happy again. Now from here on out, even though you have your job, dont forget to have fun at the same time. Also now I hope you remain this way for a long time. Everything that you have done and accomplished now, is all because of you. Dont let others put you down already. Its all in the past , don't let it affect your present which will eventually affect your future. It depends if you take them to affect you. If not, its just useless words.

Also, rmb your friends who are always there for you. The ones who have your back all the time. They got your back, so have theirs as well. Friends for life are in the dust, you just have to live life normally and let your personality attract them to you. Hhhahah I know you can do it.  We all have your backs. Keep looking forward alright?? Fighting !

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Betrayal

Hey Raylamence back here.

Sorry for the long awaited update loyal readers, but recently I just completed My GCE O'Levels a couple days back, and just had my prom a couple hours ago. It has been a wild and crazy ride drama and action that I'll get to in just a minute.

So erm, if you realised that my style of writing has changed, I just cant find my deep and sentimental self to write this evening. So this would be my causal self writing tonight. Even though its 2.30 in the morning, hahah... Lets start of with O levels.

O' Levels was shit? Hahahaha, but in all seriousness, I screwed up most of my components. I wasn't in my right state of mind, i guess I'll be retaking exams next year?

After O levels, comes Prom , which I just ended a couple hours ago. It was alright I guess? Nothing out of the ordinary, The best part was the performances , even though my table was blocked by a damn pillar. Well never mind then. I took many Polaroids for my friends and I, but due to my carelessness, I dropped all of mine on the way home. Just reached home finding majority of them anyways, Now kept safely in my folder. The only part I couldn't stand, was seeing one of my best friends, a girl whom I respect and treat as my younger sister,Nair (Alias),  acting mushy and flirted by the guy who stabbed me right in the back. I'll get into more detail.

So this guy, honestly he WAS one of my closest friends, and I thought I could trust him with anything. Me and Jay (Alias) , WERE his two closest friends, and we helped him a lot when he got into trouble with the law and authorities. What were they? I wont go into detail, but lets just say Jay and I helped this guy, lets call him Dog (Alias) , from avoiding the law and saving his ass so that he could continue his clean record and go into medical school in the future. We saved his ass again and again cause he is the most retarded guy on earth and did opposite of what me and jay told him to do to avoid the cops. Yet, he did those opposite actions and that caused and landed him into more trouble. Just when we thought things were finally getting normal, I caught him in the act again ( Don't worry, Dog didn't steal or shit, but honestly I wished he did so he could be caught earlier) , which I thought he would wash his hands off the situation. I caught him talking to THAT girl, which he promised never to talk or even go close to her ever again. Guess what, they are using the secret location in my school that I showed to him time after time again, to meet up , yet he keep saying it was the last time, it was the last time. Bullshit. It was only the last time after O levels. By then I already lost most of my respect and trust for that guy. He was literally demoted to just new friends, right above acquaintances. Eventually over time , I thought he was coming to the light, my trust for him was slightly building up, then it happened.

I was newly attached during O levels, but recently broke up due to complications. This girl , I had no idea had feelings for me, and I introduced her to some of my other friends. Now this dude, Rock (Alias), happens to be very fond of her. So as a pep talk, I encouraged him to go for her. Then I have no idea how, she and I got together. Now i kept it a secret for a short period of time, till a friend's birthday , Aaron (Alias) . We all left his place and I separated from the group. On the way back home, Dog told Jay about Rock liking my (in the past) girlfriend, and unless I go to him for help, Dog will assist Rock in getting my (in the past) girlfriend, and he already had a plan formulated in his mind of how to do so! Like seriously try to steal her away from me?! And Plus, HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND. WHY THE F*** WOULD SOMEONE DO THAT!? When I heard the news from Jay, I was raging and trying not to cuss but all the words came out. <Insert cuss words here>  It was then I knew I had befriended the wrong guy, and that caused my hatred for him to grow ultimately stronger.

So to get to the point, after realising what he said and planned , when I was him flirting with Nair today, I just raged that he would F*** up her life as well. I couldn't stand the sight of them acting flirty in public, and do you even know whats the most fucked up part? He has already dated these girls, and all of them are from the same clique. So after a R/s didn't work out, he went on to another one, and now ANOTHER ONE, Nair . Can you not see how messed up this is? Is that girl clique not seeing anything wrong with the picture?? AH F*** KNCCB --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------We Interrupt your Story for the author to cuss all his rage out---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyways, I really care for Nair as she is also one of my closest friends. I cant bear to sit by and watch them. I groan and grovel every damn time he flirts with her. Fast forward about 1 hour later, he approached me to ask for a photo. I thought I could control my emotions well, so for the heck of it, just took the photo with him. Right after that, I just couldn't hold it in any longer. The Guy who stabbed me right in the back has his arm on my shoulder and I'm forcing to a smile. That was it. After the shot, I got one guy to back of from talking to him , and started to threaten him that should Nair be hurt in anyway I would be coming for him. The moment he said that they have already went out or are going out, ( I don't know which, but I still know it isn't good either way) I raged at that moment. Mentioning indirectly his incident and plan of attack towards me to get my (in the past) girl. He had a questionable look in his eyes, and before I could do anything else, one of my other friends dragged me away, as he knew things would get messy if I didn't leave . Jay and the others told me not to rage at him now, calmed me down and I carried on the night trying to keep my composure.

I just really wish for Nair's happiness and safety. The dog bastard won't know what would be coming his way if he really took things too far. Moral of the story, Even though you think that you a person inside out, you have to expect the unexpected. As in this case , I didn't expect my best friend to turn against me. Never judge a book by its cover, has never been so true, but even knowing a person, be wary of knifes that will may be hidden among your friends.

Going for an interview for work next week, and going to Cameron Highlands and Kuala Lumpur  for holiday soon . Who knows? Maybe I'll have more stuff to share by then?

Little notes and stuff to readers? J? You've moved to NYC, and I'm really happy for you. Happy Belated 15th birthday again. Just wish you'd say hi more but since our time differences are the cause, I understand your pain of adjusting to a new life. I dont blame you, but try to say hi more ? I really love to talk to you again after so long ^^

SK ? Hahaha finally got that update you wanted ? Well here you go, sorry if it isn't what you wanted. I'll promise to write more about more interesting stuff soon.

V, i hope you've grown to be more understanding and carefree , and sorry for not messaging you back this evening,  Please be more cheery and carefree .

More stuff to come soon. Stay frosty guys.

Story so far...

1 month away from Prelims, and 3 months away from O levels. The stress is building up and so does all the bullshit that comes with it. But that isn't what I want to talk about, as examinations although are important, i wanna talk about the future after O's. What i intend to do while waiting for my results to come out. There is a lot actually. But the first and foremost one, is probably to settle my friendship and relationship troubles. Yeah i have drifted from my clique due to the up coming examinations, and i intend to bring the wrong group back together. As for relationships, its getting kinda messed up. Past ones coming back , new ones popping out. Here is the deal , I don't mind being in a R/s, but I'm afraid of the people i will eventually hurt, including the one that i may be dating. So I have no idea how to deal with these situations at the present moment.

Went vegetarian for 4 days, until my junior fed me Shrimp crackers which broke my streak. Thanks a lot again by the way *rolls eyes* Although I enjoyed my experience of being a vegetarian, it took a toll on my body as isn't used to that diet. Well its in the past now, so lets move on.

Homework troubles are starting to pill up in front of me, and I just want this to end. Its already hard enough to revise the topics I am currently weakest in, yet all the homework start to pile up, the ones that I'm also weak in such as Principle Of Accounts. Managing all of them is hard enough already, and now other factors are getting in my ways of studying. That would be ambitions and friendship, as what I've mentioned earlier.

Friends that I thought I have lost just came back out of the blue, and started things off as if nothing has happened between us yet. That although I'm grateful , still hurts as they disappeared without any warning and left their friends all alone , as if they have been abandoned. Yeah that feeling, that feeling if being abandoned. Well even though its a thing of the past now, It still hurts to talk to them without tearing up a little, from both happiness and frustration. Friends that were once so close now drifted due to the upcoming examinations and trust related issues. Then there will be girls. Girls that get in between the friendship, then the guys start to fight over her, then the bond weakens. This also applies if only one guy likes the girl but his best buddy (Even if he has no feelings for the girl) spends more time with her than his 'bro' that likes her. While on that topic, friends get dumped by their partners , friends get together to BGR , friends who couldn't care less about the world and just goes solo. Eye-candies pop up every now and then, but in reality, they are just there as a moral boost to let one know that they have something worth fighting for. Then Exs' come back, and we become friends with them again...some of us do anyways. Just don't know how to continue the conversation sometimes but yeah, i do miss the friendship. Don't take it the wrong way though. As I said in Para 1, I'm still afraid. We all have that one time when we all just dumb and make wrong decisions. We all just need to learn how to adapt and learn from it, not complain . It wont solve anything . This applies to everything in life, including breakups.

Getting more moody these past few weeks, probably due to fatigue and stress about everything in life. Can't even keep the people I care for close to me. When I do, i just screw up and make things worse. Then I met Lily Jie (Big Sis). Shes a woman I met recently in Kampung, the place i volunteer at every once in a while, and I heard that she was able to help out with problems. So I approached her for help. After giving her my birthdate and mixing up the numbers, she was able to tell my personality and traits instantaneously. Not really recalling everything she told me, I know she told me that my personality was actually quite good, balanced in alot of aspects such as leadership and planning and all. Then she told me my flaws. The longer she goes on, the more rational it gets, and it did. I remember all the flaws that Lily has pointed out to me.I don't prefer to communicate, and also I don't like to communicate to others. I always like to confined into my own comfort zone , unwilling to try out new things. I'm not adventurous. It dawned on me that it was true, as i didn't like to mix around with new people when they came down for the last bash Balik Kampung. From there I realised it was true, due to me unable to communicate to some of them as us having language barriers, and I didn't felt worthy, as I don't go back often to help out. Thus, unable to open up my heart to newcomers and communicating with them. Then there is the part where a new situation pops out from nowhere, and I panic from my unpreparedness. I'm unable to adapt quickly to new situations. That's my 3 flaws with my personality, and I know that if I were to work on them to improve them, I would have the confidence to do anything.

Honestly, I opposed to some of Lily's predictions saying that I was afraid of messing up and making mistakes. What she told me actually opened my eyes, and I shared it with another close buddy of mine, he too was also enlightened. We are teens. At this phase in life, we are supposed to make mistakes. If we don't even try to make mistakes, then how can we even learn to be better in the future? This is the time to make mistakes, as when we become adults, society wants us to be perfect to look out for the little ones as it would be their turns to make mistakes. Everyone is Human. No one is perfect. Even a police officer on duty. Although he/she seems to be the model and enforcement of Law, he/she is just another regular human, bound to make mistakes as well. They aren't really different from us. Don't be intimidated by them. They are just regular people in Police attires, enforcing the rules. Deep down , a kid at heart , and will also understand the feeling of making a mistake.

During recess, I like to talk to some of my friends in class. Eventually we talked about what we would be doing after O levels. In one way or another, we came together and agreed to form YouTube channels. I'm still considering this, as I wouldn't have much stuff to put on YouTube in the first place. But in the end, we are all just doing this for the fun of it, and who knows? Maybe we can hit things off and become famous hahaha.

All I know is, that life will get worse each passing day. Its how we deal with it and how we take it to our hearts that shows our strength. It is how we react to defeat, will then show our true colours.

Past 3 months

Hey guys, Raylamence here.

Its been quite some time since i last updated, due to my examinations and events coming up, however I'm back with some new stories to share.

First things off, lets start with the relationship between me and my friends.

I refer to this friend of mine, V. Readers who read my blog may be familiar with her, as she is one of my camp buddies that I've met . Well here is my perspective, even though we chatted and yet you said that no one will understand you, I believe you, so let me share my perspective with you. I also have been having a shitty ride on this adventure we call life, many times that have caused us to feel at our worst. Trust me when i said that we all had our shitty moments. I just had them today during my cross country run. I wont go into detail, but lets just say everything that happened today put me down into one of my lowest levels I've ever felt in my life. However , I will take this as a stepping stone to improve and move forward in my life, and I will never , let anything stand in my way to making myself better. Even my own dark conscious cant stop and deter me from the path I decided for myself, and even though I still don't know where I'm going in the future, but I know that I will do my best so I wont have any regrets. So V, here is my perspective of problems we have, and even though I'm still unable to see society through your eyes, I am pretty sure that ... 'injuring' yourself wont bring any you any more good than harm. I was really shocked to see the image that your cousin had sent to me, kudos to her, if not I wouldn't have heard of your situation and will still be living in shadows from your reality. I am willing and hopeful to be able to assist you on your problem, so please let me. If not, my regards to you, but please I will be here for you as a listening ear or a hangout buddy should you ever need one alright?

My second friend, I'll call her J. I met her quite some time ago on an online chatting site, and we recently started to chat again. She is a sweet girl who packs a punch with her lifestyle , however, she is... like a reflection of my ex, lives in the same area, and have the same birthday too. I ignored that part of her, and yet though she seems too similar to her that I at one point of time when I wasn't at my right mind mistook her as my ex. That aside, She although may have anything that she wants, she doesn't have everything she needs. For example, her parent's attention. She is a victim of this dilemma,  where parents work hard to give everything to their children, but what the child really wants is their love , time and attention. J, I totally understand how you feel as I can see this lonely path that you are taking in life, but even though it feels like shit that your mindset seems to show you that you live alone in this big empty house without any loved ones , try to think through your parents' shoes as they are also doing this for you. However, you should also voice out your need to your parents and let them know when they come back, as they may not even notice it at all. As I told you, I'm willing to help you communicate to your parents if you allow me, as you have also cheered me up whenever I was down ^^ And again if you wanna hang out to forget about society,  just give me a text and we will be on our merry way to relax and de-stress together.

LN is another girl, this time being my junior. She is a girl with a wild character and very loyal to her friends. What she is lacking to her unique personality is confidence. Most of the time you encounter a problem you can usually solve it as you have learnt to solve them on your own. However when problems turn out too big for you, you tend to over-think stuff and get worked up. We can solve these things easily . Don't worry about it . You gotta have confidence! All you need is confidence and you are set . Oh no wait, we will also help you control your anger as well don't worry ^^ Then I can stop volunteering to be your punching bag haha XD

Meow is one of my closest guy friends , and he is going through a similar thing as I am. Having family troubles and all. I'm really proud of you to become the great guy that you are today. He is the guy that has given me the most troubles, but that's what make him one of my best buddies right? Sure he has his flaws...more than the stars in space... on a crystal clear night , hahaha joking! No but seriously he has his flaws, but his flaws are what makes him unique, and with a bonus being a better man with each passing day. Your mindset may still be immature just like us, but we'll grow up together man! Any problems that you may face, you know that I'll always do my best to help you, and make sure you don't stray from the right path. Stay frosty!

Up comes Jay, another one of my closest guy friends. Just like Meow , he was also one of the first few people I met in Secondary school. He's sporty , stylish and loves to sing haha. Sorry I can't be as good as you, I'll work hard to catch up to u. Even when you didn't train, you have amazing stamina that allowed you to clinch 13th position in our 4.6 cross country run . Your pace was too much for me to handle, thus I slowed down, eventually being one of the middle few to cross the finishing line. Even so, I'm really proud of you man, or should I say Batman! We have come a long way since Sec 1, and even though we have our fights, we still be together in the end. No matter what. Stay frosty

Now my school & personal life?

I guess its been real shit these couple of months, as alot of things all came as s tidal wave. I got back my mid term results, and they aren't... good...
3 F9 - Math, Principal of Accounts, Chinese
1 D7 - Combined Sciences
(Biology & Chemistry)
1 C6 - Combined Humanities (Geography & Social Studies)
1 B3 - Design & Technology
1 A2 - English

LOOK HOW HORRID THEY ARE! 3 F GRADES!? I'M SO SCREWED!
Back to studying and slaving away on my study table Zzz....

I've been unable to sleep peacefully these couple of nights due to bad memories and random scary thoughts that come into my head every once in a while, and even from my cross country. I may have completed the course, but I don't feel accomplished at all. I felt that I've failed , and will forever continue to be one should I continue to act the same way I did back at cross country, running the first few miles at a pace i couldn't manage, and then procrastinating from running till the last few miles. I'll be doomed to fail of I do...

I lost my feelings for my crush a couple days back, looking back as how differently she treats me from the others. I don't know if that's her way of communicating,  but I just know that she isn't the one I would like to be with anymore. Just saying. As well as getting this junior off my back to stop stalking me with her eyes everywhere I go. I know she likes me and she already know she's not my type, so please stop being too ... creepy? Sorry that's the nicest way I can put it now :/ We can be friends, but I have no intention in getting together with you.

Although after watching spiderman and X men, loved ones are really important to me. The prospect of losing a loved one, just freaks me out. And yes, a loved one also counted to your partner. It is really tough to let a loved one go, as it took my quite some time living without my grandpa. Its been 7 years since his passing on, and although I'm much better off than I was before, I still miss him . He has taught and loved me , yet due to m immaturity back in my younger years, I didnt learn how to cherish him. Still wish he'd passed down his fishing techniques to me. Well it's reality we are dealing with. There isn't any rewind button.

If people are still asking about a special girl that I used to be close to, yes she's doing very well now. But with honesty , I haven't forgotten about her, and I never will. She was my first love, and thats why she is impossible to forget. You loved that person, and all your best and most romantic memories are of with them. That is impossible to forget so easily. It took me 2 1/2 years to get rid of a crush I had on another girl before, but a love, gonna take way longer than that. Some of you may be familiar with that concept. Moving on, we will get better, but all I'm saying is that when you're with somebody, treasure them. One day they will disappear from your life,  and that will be harder than taking a sledgehammer to the face.

Friends and loved ones are important. Don't ever forget that.